Musicians, Drugs, and Johnny Cash, and my future

My friend Darren always used to sing me Johnny Cash songs and my dearest mama always told me how great his music was, but I actually knew nothing about his life or music. Today I had the chance to watch the movie "Walk the Line" about his life story (I've been watching a lot of movies lately, which is very unusual for me- but it was worth it). A good movie. A sad movie, but one of redemption (I love that word). If you haven't seen it and are planning on seeing it, you might want to stop reading right now.

Basic premise: a boy with a natural talent for music (Johnny), a good brother dies because Johnny wasn't doing his job and the father blames Johnny for a loooong time after. Johnny Cash gets married, but realizes how difficult it is to have a music career along with a family. For me it was a personal movie. I've always wanted to do music in some form or another. Perhaps in summers go on tour (cos as a teacher I can do that). Truth is part of me just wants to forget teaching and just do music. It has always seemed so much easier to me. Watching his life and all the difficulties touring. I'm like wow, not so easy. The way alcohol and drugs stole in there, and then these crazy, screaming young girls who basically threw themselves onto him. What is up with that? Is it just that we're searching for love, girls?

My mom told me tonight not to marry a musician. You know what? I don't think I can promise that. I love musicians and I love the way that Johnny Cash could play and sing with June Carter. He should have waited to get married and married June in the first place. All I know is that if I do marry a musician (which I really hope I do-a hot African American, God-fearing, God-loving rapper) he is not trekking across the world without me for months at a time. We are gonna be a family, and I am going with him as much as possible, and there's gonna be some pretty strict boundaries around him-just cos I love him (smile).

Felt like God told me my goal for this year is: Learn to become a teacher. Right now I feel like I'd rather be told to climb Mt. Everest. At least then I'd know how more or less I'd need to train. Is that weird or what? What is it I find so difficult about teaching? I think it's having to plan lessons for 28 kids for 6 months. Their learning in my hands. They're my responsibility. I also don't like being the newbie. All the other teachers not to mention parents making sure that I'm doing enough of a good job. Kind of intimidating. Then again the principal has done nothing but say extremely positive things about me, the parents have been utterly supportive, and what teacher doesn't remember that they too once had a first year. Bite the bullet, woman and go on into the thick of the teaching battle! You are not alone!

Abortion, Life, Love, Imperfection, Hedonism

I love my generation. I think we've faced so much junk-lousy governments, divorce, abuse, sick twisted demented, sex-obsessed tv. I go to SFU and I love how some of the people there are passionate about human rights. However, I was sorely disappointed by an article about abortion being a "human rights" issue. I am a defender of women, believe they should be given every possible opportunity to succeed in life, but does anyone ever consider the rights of this child in the mother's womb? If these children were simply outside of the womb and the doctor went and killed them it would be considered a horrendous act (and rightly so), but just because the child is housed in its mother's womb, it is considered simply a choice. We have so much technology today we can see pictures of the child moving inside the mother's tummy, and yet we will not admit that it is a child.

Again I say this only in love. What is the matter with us? How much can we harden our hearts? I know issues like rape do make the issue more difficult, but this instance does not happen as much as people sometimes make it out to be. The truth is there are other options. Why do "human rights" activists absolutely seem to refuse to consider adoption as a possible option? I am deeply saddened for my own and the next generation. What have we come to? If my generation will not listen to me then I will go to the next generation, and I will teach the value of life. Not based just on what is convenient for me.

At the core of this issue I hear a voice calling I love you, I love you, I love you-the voice of God, but if you're more comfortable I would just call it LOVE the way it was meant to be expressed. Isn't that why we have sex? even sex with people we don't really love and end up with abortions? Love? Intimacy? Why can't we learn to run to God with our desire for love? or to friends?

Men, I'm speaking to you now. You cannot leave your woman pregnant and force her into abortion. There's a reason why God said wait for marriage for sex. It's killing us! No commitment. No trust.

I must say over the last few months, I've never felt my own frailty so much. Never faced my own desires, my own passions. It's hard. I asked God why it's so difficult. Told me it's cos nothing great costs me nothing. If we want great relationships, we gotta learn the patience, pay the high price. That's the problem with myself and my generation. We want everything now. Right away. Takes no endurance. No struggle. We just want to give into our every feeling, desire, and hormone. I think that's called Hedonism. hmmm.

I think I'm learning to believe in the radical middle. Cos I know the answer's definitely not Stoicism either. The book of Genesis (yeah from the Bible) talks about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (yeah, the one they weren't supposed to eat the fruit from), and everyone seems to focus on that one. The Tree of Life, though is also in the Garden, and that's the one they were supposed to eat from. Sound interesting? So what is that Tree of Life? I think it brings wisdom for how to really, truly walk. I think it's really knowing Jesus, the one who said He was life. I wish I could just grab a hold on Him. It's hard having a God that is "invisible."

After a few weeks of holidays, I'm tired of all the feasting, the games, all the pleasure. My soul feels empty. There is more. I read this very interesting article about Christianity- best challenge to me ever. The writer was saying how she believed Jesus would have been a "softly spoken, reserved, sort of easy-going minstrel of love and justice, who would not have singled any one out merely for holding a torch to a different set of values, just as longs they were non-violent and portraying the beauty and everlasting positivism, which each soul possessed." When I read that I just about fainted. Sounds exactly like who I've always sought to be. And yet in that I realized that is not who Jesus is. Jesus is 100% loving, which means He doesn't just allow ideas that bring fragmentation and death. Jesus is God and Jesus must be worshipped. He commands our worship because of His goodness, His power, His truth and His justice. He is perfect. We definitely are not.

I look around I see imperfect people. I look at myself I see an imperfect person. The wrinkles, the gray, the zits, the uncombed hair. The impatience, the shouting, the thoughts that just aren't on right, an inability to organize. I feel so incapable of loving imperfect people. It hurts, cos I know I should. I know I was created to do so. God if you are perfect love (and I believe you are cos that's what you said) then we need a radical download of love into our lives. We need to see people through different eyes. And I cannot worship anyone but you. But I'm also gonna humble myself and learn from others who know more than me even if they don't everything perfect.

Christmas Eve

So today is Christmas Eve. Is it any different than any other evening? Tonight was a special evening. In some ways it was tough this year. My sister just got married, and it definitely felt like someone was missing. My family invited some of the students from the Bible School my parents are involved with. I felt like I had a whole bunch of new brothers and sisters. I actually helped my mom cook the dinner (no turkey this year-oh well) this year. To be honest by the time supper came I wasn't really hungry, I had been snacking all day in the kitchen. woops.

We watched "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," and I think what stood out to me most was not just all the commercialism which is so evident during Christmas season, but the courage and strength of one little girl- to love and to accept those no one else could. That's what I wanna be like.

I also received a letter from Campus Crusade for Christ today about work they have been doing in Sudan, a country that has been through much including civil war. Campus Crusade has shown the Jesus film to over 2.8 million people in Sudan. What hit me most though was how some of the workers were sharing Jesus with some of the rebel fighters, "the enemy". They even showed the Jesus film on a sheet in front of what they later found out had been Osama bin Laden's house. These workers know they may be tortured or even killed, but some of the rebels have come to Jesus. In one story, a worker was kidnapped and tortured over a 2 week period and then released. Usually people are held for at least months, a miracle in itself that it was such a short period. When released, he actually had a strong desire to go back to these very same people. To me that is when you know God is really in you. When you are no longer afraid of suffering and where the Love of God is stronger and hey even more "violent" than fear and terror.

I pray that the Love of God would be in me stronger and stronger each day and would draw even God's "enemies" to Him. He is Love pure and simple.

Thoughts on peacekeeping, violence and non-violence

I finally got to watch the Gandhi movie with Ben Kinsley in it. Wow! a well-worth seeing film. What struck me most was when someone asked him if he believed it were possible to stop Hitler with these non-violent tactics. He said obviously there would be defeats and pain along the way, but there were these in war also, so he believed it would be possible to stop Hitler through non-violent means.

The Chronicles of Narnia, however, made me see a different side. In this movie the children fought to destroy evil with swords etc. I know it's probably not a good comparison, but it made me think about how the witch was absolutely merciless in her killing and destruction. There was no reasoning with her. To be honest, I wanted her to die a violent death and my friends will tell you I am an extremely merciful, pacifist kind of person.

Could it be possible that Gandhi's strategies as well as Martin Luther King's worked, because their enemies did have a moral law code that they knew they were supposed to live up to and were not? This is why Gandhi and Martin Luther King were so brilliantly able to take the higher road and therefore attain freedom for their people through non-violent means. Many Christians (White Caucasians in both cases) had not been following their Bible's instructions to love.

What happens though when one's enemy has no law except destroy, when they no longer seem to have a conscience no matter how brutally non-violence believers are treated? This is a question that bothers me as a Christian who thoroughly believes in peacemaking, forgiveness, and grace. Where do I take my active stance and "fight" (and be ok with my country's army fighting) and where do I let God take His vengeance on his enemies ie. hate, racism, and unforgiveness, which he surely will.

So there's some of my thoughts. Hope they're not too out there.

Thoughts on Destiny

So I watched this movie last night about Winston Churchill (hope I spelled it right). What a very interesting character! A rascal in many ways yet there was something on his life. He knew from a young age that he was going to do something great with his life and would save England.

Do you ever think you will do something great with your life? There are days when I truly believe I'm going to do something great with my life, but there are others when I do not even believe I will be able to handle teaching one of the very best behaved classes I've ever seen. I gotta be willing to go though the tough stuff. One doesn't become great overnight eh? I am a firm believer that every human being has the potential for greatness. I think this is going to be my message to my students. Dream big! Live big! Don't do it alone-join with others!

Love Beyond Sex

Life amazes me sometimes. I have some of the very best guy friends a young woman could ever ask for. To have guys in my life who encourage me, support me, and are actually pretty good looking-well it gives me great hope. I know there are a lot of young women and girls out there who don't think they can survive without a boyfriend, and I think I do understand where they're coming from. Life can be lonely. Sometimes a girl just feels like she does need someone to hold her and be near to. But because I have guy friends who are like brothers who give giant bear hugs. Well it's like I think I can wait until my man does come. I think this kind of friendship love between members of the opposite sex has become endangered (near extinction), but I do believe it is on the increase. There is more between men and women than sex and romance. I learn so much from my guy friends, and I'm sure it will be useful info for when I do get married.

So this is my thank you to all my sweet brothers out there. Keep showing the pure love of the great God. We need more of that in this world.

Today I watched the Chronicles of Narnia, and all I can say is "I love Aslan!" I love the way He makes me see Jesus so much more clearly. I've been a Christian for probably at least 20 years, and it's still easy to forget what I really believe about the character and personality of the one I say I follow-Jesus. The scene of Aslan's death is done so powerfully. He walks up the middle between all these disgusting, ugly demonic creatures that are taunting Him, making fun of Him, and then He willingly lays down His life. He takes the shame allowing His glory, symbolized by his mane, to be cut away. Wow! There's something that cuts me so deep in that scene in a good way. I love when the Stone Table cracks in two and Aslan shines forth resurrected because of the deeper magic. He is the one willing to be sacrificed who conquers death.

One of my favourite parts though is when the wicked witch tries to complain to Aslan about how can she trust him to keep his promise and he just lets out a roar that absolutely silences her. I cannot stand that woman. I confess I love women warriors, but what struck me about her is her utter lack of compassion and mercy for anyone. She is a near perfect representation of what we Christians refer to as the "Devil." She snags Edmund in with "Turkish delight," something that appeals to his desires and promises position and power over his friends and family, that he wasn't getting along with very well. Edmund messes up once or is not useful to her, and she binds him up and he is left in a cold, dark dungeon with little to eat. Why do we give ourselves to this evil?

The last thing that struck me is how Aslan brings life. He breathes life into the statues the wicked witch had frozen. He makes winter end and spring flowers grow. His troops and their camp are arrayed in colour and his followers are beautiful creatures of all kinds from rhinos to eagles, to cheetahs. Aslan is the one I will follow.

thoughts on growing up

So, I'm almost finished my five years of university. Got my teacher's degree near completion. Wow! I should be overwhelmed with excitement. Freedom from studying! Then I think wow now I have to enter the "real" world. I have to get a "real" job. I have to do all the work of teaching students. I don't like hard work. I like fun. I like conversations where we talk about ideals. I don't want to have to actually put in any difficult effort to make those dreams come true.

Anything truly worthwhile is worth laying down one's life for (and not just one big dramatic martyrdom). Going through the struggles. Becoming stronger. I gotta learn to laugh through those tough things. And grab the hand of my neighbour for that extra push along. I will make it. And I am absolutely grateful to God for each and everyone of you my friends. I wouldn't have made it this far without you anyways.

It's become so clear to me that I do belong teaching children, and God has just favoured me so much. In my interview with the Abbotsford schoolboard, I actually had fun (something I had asked God for the night before) and I got to sing my song about children and war for them. A rocking time!

Bob Marley is another one of those guys it seems so many young people look up to and idolize. I think it's the compassion and ability to relate and speak for the poor expressed through songs like "Woman, No Cry" that makes him great, his willingness to stand up to the powerful, his way cool lyrics and beats, and the amazing dreds. People mourned his death bitterly and understandably so. How could death steal such a great man?

Then one day this idea popped into my head. Yeah, same thing happened to Jesus. But as a Christian I believe He rose again. Death could not keep the good man down! I'll have to write more another time.

Che Guavera and Jesus

So, I'm gonna confess something. I bought a Che Guavera chain before. What was it that drew me to it? It's the spirit he represented. The passion, the reckless fight for freedom for the poor, and yeah the rebel in me. I really had no idea who he was when I bought it, and let's just say I got a little talking to from my dad about it. I see Che's picture everywhere especially because I'm a student at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, BC. I am an idealist, what can I say. The word "revolution" sets me off like nothing else.

I've just recently read an article about his life that has seriously changed my view of him. He like many other revolutionaries may have had good intentions but in order to "keep their power," they destroyed anyone who might be a threat to them, even only suspected. He really became a "killing machine." Ouch, doesn't quite fit with my nice, elementary teacher look eh?

My goal is not to make you think he was the enemy, but I've learned human beings are extremely fallible. In my view Jesus has the same desire as Che Guavera did. He wants to see justice for the poor, but He sees perfectly and knows the true enemy is hatred. We've gotta look at our own lives and deal with the anger and lust for power before we can try and bring that to others.

If there's one thing I love about Jesus it's that He was willing to give up the power, to truly humble himself. He said His kingdom wasn't of this world. You know how he could do that? Because He knew who He was- the Son of God. He knew that every person is going to bow before Him one day. But He didn't have to brag about it. He just loved the lowest of the low. So He's the one I'm gonna follow. He got killed in His battle for love like all true revolutionaries. He wouldn't let the hate get to Him. Even to His very last hours, He cried out, "Father forgive them. They don't know what they're doing." And it's true in a world full of fear and confusion, it's hard to know who's to blame for all the injustice in this world. It's really easy to shoot people down, because it looks like the easy answer. But we could end up shooting down our true friends. We gotta forgive but we also gotta speak truth no matter what. This is fun I could talk about this all night long.

Homosexuality and the Church

Hmm. Should I go there? Yeah, why not. I've seen the battle go back and forth for too long. No conclusion. No resolution. As a Christian I know that the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin (as is pride, and adultery and gossip ooooo look out) But I ask God why? Why? What can I say to my friends who don't believe the Bible? Why is my sexuality so important to God? Why is God legislating my morality? My answer: LIFE!!! The amount of STDs spread through homosexual activity (and also heterosexual) is truly unnerving to me, and I believe that people rarely talk about this much overlooked fact and we must. A story I read was about homosexual males who had AIDS and were going around trying to give the virus away to their partners, just for the thrill of it. Now please don't get me wrong that is not to say this is what always happens, but it does happen and I do not believe that homosexuals or the general populace are aware of this. We need protection and it is not through more condoms. It makes me angry when people put condoms forth as the true solution to the spread of STDs and especially AIDS. It is not fullproof (check out some statistics), abstinence is. Sorry I'm gonna go off on a little tangent here. Abstinence is not about trying to not do a "bad" thing. Abstinence is about following 100% passionately and whole-heartedly what is best for me, my future mate, my friends and my God. He cares madly for my life. Doesn't want my heart ripped apart. Wants me to have great sex in marriage free from past regrets and guilt. We were created for love and God wants us to be satisfied in His love. So I haven't got it all figured out. In fact I would welcome anyone's response even it is an angry one. If my homosexual friends do read this, please please please know that I will always love you and care about every aspect of your lives.

Teaching-first week

You gotta love teaching grade 4&5's. They make pretty pictures of their teachers! They listen (most of the time), and they look up to you. Today I finished my first week in the classroom as a practicum teacher. Wow! Feels good! This week I dealt with some new things like a young girl whose best friend's mom committed suicide and then her friend and her found the body. How to deal with that? I went home and cried. God, why? I don't understand this. Then I drew. A picture of a cross. Why? Children do not belong on a cross. Those words came so strong to me. We have to love our children through these hard things. I don't think God the Father wanted to His only Son Jesus, an innocent child, into a world full of death and sorrow and murder and rape, but He sent Him to be a light of love. The young girl in my class is going to overcome and make it through only with love. Children are our light of love, a radiant hope. May we always encourage that light to shine more brightly. Today we did the Terry Fox Run at my school. Too bad it was pouring down rain, but the assembly was a blast. My heart swelled with pride as my students sang the national anthem filled with gusto and love. Grade 6 students shared the story of Terry Fox's life. What an inspiration. A teacher told us how much money had been raised during the coin collecting the week before. $500! It may seem small, but I felt the heart of God so moved by these children so desiring to make a difference for good in the world. But I have to be honest, I think my favourite part was the final song- YMCA complete with actions (of course). There is nothing like being in a room filled with joy and excitement and people being completely free to be over the top gooooooofy.

Jesus is my homeboy

So, I have this shirt it says, "Jesus is my homeboy!" I get quite some looks from people especially people who have been in church for quite some time. Is that a sacrilegious thing to wear? In my opinion absolutely not!!! When Jesus was on earth he hung out with some very low-down characters: prostitutes, tax collectors, stinky uneducated fishermen, and in general what people in the church call "sinners." He did not condone their actions, and He Himself was absolutely perfect. On the other hand, however, these sinners weren't afraid to hang out with Him. They felt safe around Jesus who showed us what God was like. Wow! That doesn't sound to me like how people act towards the church today. I can completely picture Jesus and his disciples (followers) shouting at each other "Hey homeboy what's up?!" if they were alive today. If I have one pet peeve it's when people make God distant, too holy for anyone to approach. Jesus was amongst the masses. He had compassion on people and knew how to speak their lingo. He knew how to show love, and that is my one desire. If your language is hip hop/ homeboy talk, he talks your talk.

Amy's First post

Why start off normal or basic? I'm interested in ending wars using music.

This is a post noone will see

nobody can see this one. But what if I really want to mess it up??but what if I want it to be black again?
okay, now I figured it out.

Amy said,

"I'm so excited to learn about blogging!"