Ryan and Sophia

I've realized I don't have any pictures of my sister or her husband Ryan on my blog, so here they are with my mom and dad at Steve and Leah's wedding.

My Family

Here's the people who put up with me day in and day out. Where would I be without my family?!!! I think I've finally come to realize how little I really appreciate all that they have done for me. Thank you, mom, dad, Miguel.

Surrendered!

This is moi at Bridal Falls. This is a picture to me of Freedom-totally at peace, totally surrendered to Life and Love. That's where I wanna be.

Thanks, brother Michael for the idea for the photo.

Jesus Camp

You gotta check out this website. http://www.kidsinministry.com/. There's apparently a new movie out about a "Jesus Camp" in the USA where kids are being trained as young evangelists, preachers etc. They're raising quite an uproar, because some people are calling it brainwashing. The children's leaders sometimes talk about that we are in a war- a spiritual war obviously, but some people are trying to compare it with raising up terrorists. -definitely worth checking out about.

The children are meeting with the Holy Spirit. I know that is what kept me in church. I met with the power of God and I could never turn my back on God, cos He's real.

The Search For Identity continues

So, I'm 25, a fully certified teacher. I could just settle down and be a regular adult. Look the part- dress professionally. Why can't I do that? There's a part of me that wants to stand out in a crowd-maybe a little punkish, maybe a little like a rap star. How important is clothing for establishing who you are? or how people perceive you to be? Do I just need to grow up?

I think I've always wanted to be a little on the edge- not the stereotypical "good Christian girl"/pastor's daughter that people might presume me to be. But at the same time I don't want their opinions to alter who I truly am, who I believe I was created to be. Part of the reason why I cut my hair shorter is cos it makes me feel a little "tougher"/maybe masculine is the right word as long as that doesn't sound weird to you. I'm pretty soft, easy- going, compliant etc, and man that makes it hard to deal with attitude kids in the classroom or a lot of people in this world.

I think I've come to the conclusion that no matter who we are and whatever image we portray, (tough, sensual -and there's enough of those out there) we all deep inside just want to be accepted and loved for whoever and whatever we are. I am so grateful for all the wonderful friends and God family that are in my life. Thank you for accepting me.

Western Christianity Sucks!

Okay, don't think I've gone off the rocker. Just venting. I finally started reading a book called "Back to Jerusalem," a book about the house churches in China. They know how to live Christianity the way it was meant to be lived. They don't have all the material goods to get in their way of living a simple life- just loving God and people. They live the real kind of communism- not government legislated but love inspired. They get persecuted like crazy, torture, beatings you name it, but they have the real joy inside that won't die no matter what comes their way.

I felt so ashamed about how proud and arrogant I can be thinking I'm all that. but you know what I realized I think it's actually harder to be a Christian, a real Christian in North America. There are so many stupid distractions calling us every way that we can't hear the voice of the Father God. I just wanna live life the way I was born to live it under His wings, found in His truth and love.

a start on what is feminine

I just read a very interesting blog about feminism. It was great cos it was something I have been thinking about lately. What does it really mean to be a woman? I just got my hair cut much shorter than I was planning on. My parents didn't much approve of it cos well they thought it didn't look "feminine."

Yeah, I'm one of those girls who through middle/high school decided I was gonna be better than all those "preppy", "pretty" girls who wore make-up all the time. Cos hey I was better than them, deeper than them. I've come to realize though that my attitude did end up hurting me. There is a part of me (sometimes a secret, hidden part of me) that wants to feel like I'm beautiful, glorious and that it is clearly reflected on the outside. I think that's the way God made me and all girls. I never want to fall into the trap thinking that I am less of that true person that I am if I don't wear makeup (or wear my most stylin' clothes), but heh I actually think it can be a lot of fun to really get dressed up and feel absolutely the best about all that I am.

I'm not really one for high heels cos I've never been the most elegant walker even in regular flat shoes. I also just don't think they're good for a person's feet/ankles etc. The really high ones kinda remind me of how women had to wear corsettes, which were so tight (but yet so in style) that some women actually died from them. Ok maybe not the best comparison, but you get my point. Do what's good and healthy for you-not what society says you have to do.